Keep your filthy
hands off my leafy
greens, Jezebel!
Ok, let me begin by saying this great failure was not Rachael’s fault. I deliberately slandered her in order to generate interest in this post. No worries, I do not fear Rachael Ray, I know who did her nose. What? Sorry, I digress.
As my faithfuls may recall, I have a stand of kale that has withstood all of winter’s rigors, and until yesterday was still putting out sweet, curly little winter leaves. The kale was my last holdout crop from summer.
Yesterday the sun was out full-power, and the temperature climbed into the 60s, so naturally I abandoned my work to go outside and play in the dirt. There was much to do before planting time; pulling old plants and roots, composting, building more raised bed boxes, etc., and I gloried in the labor outdoors.
I decided to ready the greens bed, since greens are part of the cool weather early crop, which will be planted very soon. (Stay tuned for upcoming garden plan post, it will be AWESOME!) This meant removing the last of the kale, which had soldiered on so bravely and had served me so well. I did this with some reservation. I would liken the feeling to the dog-shooting scene from Of Mice and Men, but that would be unnecessarily extreme and probably a bit upsetting. Whoops!
Kale harvested, garden bed prepared, I went inside and tried to decide what to do with this last bit of green veg. I remembered seeing this crispy kale business on TV and thinking it sounded delicious, so I looked it up and decided to give it a try after the work day was done and kiddos abed.
Here is a how-to video on the recipe I followed, made by one of Ms. Ray's minions: http://www.ehow.com/video_12126194_crispy-baked-kale-chips.html
Now here is where the trouble starts. The kale used by Ms. Ray in the original program and in this video is big, leafy, full-sized Tuscan kale, from the grocery store. My kale is a small, winterized version of a similar species.
In winter, kale can survive freezing temperatures by growing very thick, hard stalks and putting out smaller leaves which are thicker and curlier. The leaves contain a sort of anti-freeze, which the plant creates to allow photosynthesis and growth to occur all year. Ain’t nature amazin’?
These leaves are crunchy and sweet raw, and have a nice bite, even when pan-fried with butter as you would other greens. But in the oven—where broad, thin leaves coated lightly with olive oil (or EVOO, as Ms. Ray would chirp) get nice and crispy and delicious—small, tough, winter kale shrinks into smoldering, greasy wads. Oh well, at least we know, right?
Kale on the baking
sheet "after."
Sadness.
So I managed to stink up the entire house with the smell of burned weeds and failure. In the morning, when my lovely wife and kiddos were off to work and school, I was faced with a day full of work, a kitchen that smelled like a burned lawn tractor and a tray of ashen kale bits. Ok, they weren’t THAT burned, but I tried munching a few with less than pleasant results.
Then it hit me: The best thing to do in this situation was to make an omelet, obviously. And I could chop up the gnarly kale and use it to add a little kick. It worked with spinach, so why not? Plus the kale was loaded with sea salt and olive oil, so it was totally Flavor Ready (inside joke for my college friends.)
In short, it totally worked. Burned kale cooked into a semi-Greek style omelet? ROCK. Burned kale as a snack? Not so much.
Papa’s Kale Fail Omelet
You will need:
3 eggs, beaten
Splash of milk
Half an onion
Half cup of chopped tomato
Half cup of whatever cheese you like, or more accurately, whatever you have in the fridge. (Today it was feta and grated, aged parmesan. I know, right!?)
1 tbsp Butter
Half cup of failed kale. Here’s how the kale is SUPPOSED to work, so if you want to try it, more power to you. If you do not fail at the kale, you could just saute a little in the pan with the onions. http://www.ehow.com/video_12126194_crispy-baked-kale-chips.html
What to do:
Chop your onions, and saute in butter, I mean low calorie cooking spray, until soft.
Meanwhile beat 3 eggs in a small bowl adding a splash of milk to make it all nice and fluffy and smooth.
Chop the crispy kale into little tiny bits, then mix into the eggs
When onions are done, remove from the pan to a separate bowl and pour egg mixture into the hot pan
Cook the eggs on medium heat. When eggs begin to set up add chopped tomato, cooked onions and sprinkle with the cheeses
Fold omelet when the eggs are no longer runny on top, cook closed for just long enough for the cheese to melt, then flip, turn the heat off and let the hot pan cook the other side for about 30 seconds.
Serve with toast and coffee, if you know what’s good for you.
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